It was stupid of ME...

My mom's condition has worsened. It doesn't help that she has been sick for the past 9 years because of her stroke. This time, she's being admitted to the hospital for a serious case of pneunomia. I passed out from BMT last week, but i didn't cherish the free time i had. I went out, i played games at home, but didn't visit her in her room. I walked past the room and only acknowledged her. I know it was bad of me, i throughly regret it. I had so much time to communicate and be with her, I just came back from the hospital, it didn't look good. It was just last night, when my maid informed me about my mom, i went into the room and have a look, i knew something was wrong. No matter how hard we tried to attract her attention, my mom had no response. *Sigh* I called up my dad and he told me that mom was already like this in the afternoon. I was like, 'huh!?' I suggested to my dad that we should call an ambulance instead. He was thinking of bringing her to see our family doctor. But i told him that her condition is really serious, furthermore, it also didn't help that she had temperatures hovering at 39 to 40 degrees these 3 days. Immediately after the telephone conversation, my maid and i brought her down to our family doctor. After reviewing her case, the ambulance was then alerted. The family doctor was trying his best to do all the preparatory work to decrease the workload of the paramedics while they're on their way on the ambulance. My father and my sister was also informed, they quickly rushed back as soon as they could. As the paramedics was transporting my mom out of the clinic, my dad came in his taxi, and my sister was walking to the clinic after getting off the bus. It was 10.30pm. I was the one in the ambulance. Things were chaotic. My dad ferried my sister to Changi Hospital. We left the hospital at 3am last night. Our family received a call this morning. Doctor says things don't look good. Prepare for the worst.. We went down to the hospital immediately and was informed that there were 2 things that we can do. But given her condition, no matter what we do, will add to her suffering. It's already time.. Our dad throughly believes that, when its time to go, its time to go. Dad is strong, he had remained calm and composed all these while. He's already mentally prepared. My sister is very sad and stressed up, she's just 17. So many things had happened in this family. She always tries to control her tears, but breaks down often. But i believe that she's much stronger than other girls of her age. For me? I feel like breaking down too, but i had to be strong in front of my family, sometimes, tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably. Especially when i think of how little time i've spent with my mom these few days. I'm still unwilling to let her go, i have not done enough, i should have gone into her room and visited her, talk to her, hold her hands and make her feel comfortable. Reminding her that she still has a son, a family that cares about her.. i wouldn't have felt so bad if i had spoke to these few days. Why didn't i go into her room? It was already 9 years.. i took things for granted. No one would've expected things like that to happen. It just happened all of a sudden. I AM REALLY SORRY!!! I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN IT! *Author is really crying very badly while typing this entry.* Mom is still in hospital, unaware and unresponsive to the surroundings happening around her. With an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose to aid her in breathing, the only movement from her that is visible to her, is the slight movement from time to time whenever she tries to breathe. Tubes of saline running down the drip that is connected to the side of her neck to increase her blood pressure because it was unreadable when she was first admitted. Mom, please get well.. Let me do my part, do what i can do as a filial son. Sorry mom..