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Monday, September 19, 2005

Another one has left..

I used to have 4 loved ones.. Over the past week, it became 3..

It was sad, depressing.. the feeling of someone missing.. Well..


Sispec, here i come.. Tough training awaits me..


Comd SAF BMTC congratulates you for your successful completion of the BMT.



Your Posting Order is listed below:

1.

You are posted to SISPEC.
2.
Your vocation is INFANTRY LEADER.
3.
Your are to report to: Pasir Ris Bus Interchange.

Reporting Date/Time:
19/09/2005 at 0830 hrs.


Thursday, September 15, 2005

She is gone... I miss her already..

Goodbye Mom.. Rest well.. Its time you deserved a good rest after 9 years..

We'll take care of ourselves, please do not worry.. *haiz*



The wake is held in the address below for 3 days. Thursday to Saturday. After which, we'll send her for cremation.

Blk 347
Tampines St 33
Singapore 520347

You can come here by bus 291. Take bus from Tampines Interchange. If need be, please call my hp at 81334266.


People who know the Tan Family are invited to attend this wake, for a mother this strong, strong enough to watch this family grow up, before willing to embark on her own journey. Strangers are also most welcome to join us to.

Wednesday, September 14, 2005

It was stupid of ME...

My mom's condition has worsened. It doesn't help that she has been sick for the past 9 years because of her stroke. This time, she's being admitted to the hospital for a serious case of pneunomia.

I passed out from BMT last week, but i didn't cherish the free time i had. I went out, i played games at home, but didn't visit her in her room. I walked past the room and only acknowledged her. I know it was bad of me, i throughly regret it. I had so much time to communicate and be with her, I just came back from the hospital, it didn't look good.

It was just last night, when my maid informed me about my mom, i went into the room and have a look, i knew something was wrong. No matter how hard we tried to attract her attention, my mom had no response. *Sigh* I called up my dad and he told me that mom was already like this in the afternoon. I was like, 'huh!?' I suggested to my dad that we should call an ambulance instead. He was thinking of bringing her to see our family doctor. But i told him that her condition is really serious, furthermore, it also didn't help that she had temperatures hovering at 39 to 40 degrees these 3 days. Immediately after the telephone conversation, my maid and i brought her down to our family doctor. After reviewing her case, the ambulance was then alerted. The family doctor was trying his best to do all the preparatory work to decrease the workload of the paramedics while they're on their way on the ambulance.

My father and my sister was also informed, they quickly rushed back as soon as they could. As the paramedics was transporting my mom out of the clinic, my dad came in his taxi, and my sister was walking to the clinic after getting off the bus. It was 10.30pm.

I was the one in the ambulance. Things were chaotic. My dad ferried my sister to Changi Hospital. We left the hospital at 3am last night.

Our family received a call this morning. Doctor says things don't look good. Prepare for the worst.. We went down to the hospital immediately and was informed that there were 2 things that we can do.

But given her condition, no matter what we do, will add to her suffering. It's already time..

Our dad throughly believes that, when its time to go, its time to go.

Dad is strong, he had remained calm and composed all these while. He's already mentally prepared.

My sister is very sad and stressed up, she's just 17. So many things had happened in this family. She always tries to control her tears, but breaks down often. But i believe that she's much stronger than other girls of her age.

For me? I feel like breaking down too, but i had to be strong in front of my family, sometimes, tears stream down my cheeks uncontrollably. Especially when i think of how little time i've spent with my mom these few days.

I'm still unwilling to let her go, i have not done enough, i should have gone into her room and visited her, talk to her, hold her hands and make her feel comfortable. Reminding her that she still has a son, a family that cares about her.. i wouldn't have felt so bad if i had spoke to these few days.

Why didn't i go into her room? It was already 9 years.. i took things for granted. No one would've expected things like that to happen.

It just happened all of a sudden. I AM REALLY SORRY!!! I REALLY DIDN'T MEAN IT!

*Author is really crying very badly while typing this entry.*

Mom is still in hospital, unaware and unresponsive to the surroundings happening around her. With an oxygen mask over her mouth and nose to aid her in breathing, the only movement from her that is visible to her, is the slight movement from time to time whenever she tries to breathe. Tubes of saline running down the drip that is connected to the side of her neck to increase her blood pressure because it was unreadable when she was first admitted.

Mom, please get well.. Let me do my part, do what i can do as a filial son. Sorry mom..

Friday, September 09, 2005

Yo Peeps, Behold.. A long post lies ahead of you...

Its been a long absence babes and hunks.. I could do anything else, but i was a little lazy on blogging during my weekend bookouts. I had to treasure that 24 hours book out every weekend and make full use of the time, man..

Everything came out smoothly, i've graduated from BMT, although inter-personal relationships didn't came out well in the camp, but i soon realised that, it wasn't entirely my fault after all.

Remember i was talking about my best buddies in BMT, especially in my section? Yep, i went into the army with the intention to train up and give my best. I soon realised that i almost landed myself into trouble when the my 2 buddies always tried to malinger their way through. Most of the time, they seem to escape responsibilty and roles passed on to them, and they will only do it when they have no choice, otherwise, you'll see them disappear into thin air without a trace, yeah. That's the sentence, all of a sudden, they just disappear.

Yes, they malinger, they are my best buddies. What have become of us now?




We probably fell out with each other already. The person whom i got along well as of the end of BMT is Boon Keong. He's willing to make the effort to really persevere and cheong along with me, its great motivation.

What actually happen? I'm sort of the person who's not afraid to confront, correct mistakes and even question on the spot if i see things going out of the way. I basically feel that, its better to thrash things out immediately instead of waiting here and there, then resulting in the backstabbing of people. 1 of the common mistakes in that friendship was that, they keep blaming me for exposing them whenever they try to malinger, haha, yeah rite, if i can actually expose them so many times, means that i am probably not the only one who feels that way too.

What does the term exposing mean?

Scenario 1

*Work Comes*

A: Starts to do something so unrelated which is kinda obvious

Me: Hey, you can do that later, let's go help out

A then stares back at me with that kind of *suspicious looking eyes*

**Exposed**

Scenario 2

*Work Comes*

A suddenly slips off and disappears

The rest will go and help out, and when the work is done, they suddenly reappear again.

Me: Yo, where did you all go? There was something to do earlier on

A: Huh, i don't know.. i went to do something else more important..

Me: .... But you all were here just now wat..

A then stares at me with that 'suspicious looking eyes' like how you half close your eyes and stares at ppl from a certain angle while tilting your head.

A: Tell you later, tell you later..

*Obviously he's scared of the people around him finding out*

No offence, but that really shouldn't be the way when everyone else is trying their best instead of you all. And i'm not just directing this sentence to just my 2 close buddies, its also for the rest who actually tries to feign their way through too. Its a waste of them if you 'keng' your way through these 2 years, i would rather you try and in a way, improve yourselves too.

These 3 months we've forged close relationships, and towards the end of it, its almost broken. How am i able to salvage this friendship if you guys keep things to yourself and keep discussing on ways to avoid extra work?

Oh, and good luck to all the substitutes who've had to cover your guard duty shifts during the bloc leave, because for some reason, the 2 of you fell sick again :)

And may i present to you, the Kewl Gang!


Looks like 1 big happy family! We've been through so much.

The graduation parade was really fun, the rehearsals were sucky though. All of us had to repeat the sequence over and over again. It also marks the end of our greulling training that we've suffered for the past 3 months. And for those who's going on further to command school, there's more to come, haha. The trainings are even more 'siong' than normal Basic Military Training.

It was also our honour to have Prime Minister Lee Hsien Loong as our reviewing officer. It was the first time to have a Prime Minister appear in Graduation Parades. Why did he actually want to come this year? Rumour has it that his son is also in the Parade, wow. How true is it? I don't know..

The parade started out with the marching of contingents into the parade square into their positions. Total of 8 companies are involved in the graduation parade. The parade proceeded with a song of ' Stand up for Singapore', then arrival of Prime Minister, followed by a salutation from us to PM Lee. PM Lee gave a speech on his NS life and how different it is presently, he was also invited to inspect the contingents at the front.


Company by company, we would have to march past the grandstands filled with friends and families of the trained soldiers, dumped all our helmets and SBOs in the carpark, and then proceeded to run into the parade square in an orderly manner while singing a song entitled, ' Training to Be Soldiers'

Once in position, parents are invited to go up to the soldiers and put on the jockey caps for us. To me, it was the most meaningful part of the parade, as parents actually see the process of being a recruit to a private, the end of our BMT.

My dad, gf and me. She doesn't look pretty here ley.. aiyoh.. haha, don't know what happened..

We began the Infantry Roar with synchronised dance moves, and when it ended, all of us threw our jockey caps high up in the air. All of us screamed and shouted like we've never done before. Others hugged and embraced each other.. (EWW) and the rest ran around the parade square.

The Orion Company


We were the 5th company to book out on that day.. There was a long queue, there were many people, many happy faces, many happy families. Everybody felt good on that day, i really liked the feeling, haha.

1 last look, back at Pulau Tekong Terminal.. I wonder if i still have the chance to step back into that island again...

Its been an enriching experience for me, at least i know that i've done my part and tried my best in whatever is given to me there :) I leave sadly, in search of better experiences and dreams outside this island. Not very sad, but just normal sad, haha.

Goodbye NS BMT friends, hope we'll meet each other on the streets again, it was fun while it lasted!